Is the match over? Or was that only a point?
In life, we all agree that resilience is vital.
From playgrounds and classrooms, to careers and even personal relationships – we are told the secret ingredient is grit, determination, willpower. Or maybe it’s empathy? Or maybe it’s keeping emotion out of the equation?
All the above holds some truth. But more often than not – the factor that makes you get up that seventh time after falling down six… is perspective.
Borrowed words much better than mine.
Tennis great, Roger Federer (or his ghost writer) put it far better than I ever could – and he has the track record to back it up too.
Perfection is impossible.
In the 1,526 singles matches I played in my career, I won almost 80% of those matches. Now, I have a question for you.
What percentage of points do you think I won in those matches?
Only 54%.
In other words, even top-ranked tennis players win barely more than half of the points they play. When you lose every second point on average, you learn not to dwell on every shot.
You teach yourself to think, okay, I double-faulted ... it's only a point. Okay, I came to the net, then I got passed again; it's only a point. Even a great shot, an overhead backhand smash that ends up on ESPN's top 10 playlist. That, too, is just a point.
And here's why I'm telling you this. When you're playing a point, it has to be the most important thing in the world, and it is.
But when it's behind you, it's behind you.
This mindset is really crucial because it frees you to fully commit to the next point and the next point after that, with intensity, clarity, and focus.
You want to become a master at overcoming hard moments… The best in the world are not the best because they win every point. It's because they lose again and again and have learned how to deal with it.
You accept it.
Cry it out if you need to and force a smile.
— Roger Federer
Not an ode to hustle culture…
I love this idea of balancing being present with having perspective.
In the moment, our wins can feel absolutely euphoric… but hang onto it too long and we can undermine our progress with reliving past glories.
At other times, our losses can be world-shattering when we’re in it… but if we don’t try to resolve and rebuild, we can trap ourselves in a prison of self-doubt.
While Mr. Federer’s philosophy is directly drawn to the ultra-competitive world of tennis – it can be applied to so many other areas of our lives.
Sure, the natural connection can be made to our careers. After all – promotions, pay rises, performance bonuses, etc… it lends itself to a competitive mindset. And frankly speaking, as I’m certainly not the first to borrow this well-known quote – it’s a connection that many have made earlier and more eloquently than I ever could.
But the interesting thing for me is that I’ve personally found this mentality strangely helpful in many other areas of life that are considerably less “competitive” in nature.
…but fuel for personal resilience.
Take, for instance, being a parent.
As a father of two young daughters, it’s been an oddly-reassuring North Star.
From learning the basics of walking and talking, to navigating ever-changing schoolyard friendships – trying to be “the best dad you can be” (or even just a passable one at times) can be equal parts exhilarating and humbling.
When you teach your child to ride a bike… it can feel borderline award-worthy as a parent. Seeing them pedal through the initial wobbles and transition into that reassuring steady roll makes you feel nothing short of being the parent of the decade.
But on the flip-side: when it’s 3am and they’re still crying after you’ve fed, changed, carried, cuddled and sang to no avail. And are now in the throes of incomprehensible, sleep-deprived negotiations with a screaming 9-month old – the depths of incompetence makes you honestly question why anyone in their right mind has allowed you to be responsible for another human being.
Parenting can lift you to euphoric heights and drag you down to crippling lows… but take a step back and you’re starkly reminded that these peaks and troughs alone aren’t a referendum on your parental performance.
When the days are long and the years are short, every daily victory or defeat feels unnaturally amplified. But as the years string out, you see that lasting impact comes from playing the long game.
Welcome the mental reset.
So, in life – be it sports, career, relationships, personal endeavours – always be aware of the match you’re playing.
Be it life-long ambitions, or seasonal side-quests…
Be it one we’ve signed up for, or one we’ve been dropped into…
Be it pursued out of passion, or tackled out of duty…
Celebrate the wins.
Mourn the losses.
Then look ahead… and let perspective remind you where you stand in the context of the match.
Is it game?
Is it the set?
Or is it just a point?
Because, more often than not, there’s still plenty of the match left to play.